Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
