I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
