I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
