if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
