I hope mine doesn't look like that
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
