She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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