I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
