hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
