I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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