I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
