i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
