after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she told me i tasted like america
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
