Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
