I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
