Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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