Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
