Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
