Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
