I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize