I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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