okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
