i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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