i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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