just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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