when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize