We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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