If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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