it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
