6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
