I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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