My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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