i'm signing you up for texting rehab
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
