some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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