It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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