This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
