man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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