I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
