can we get nightvision for the apartment?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
