now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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