Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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