whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
