Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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