no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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