this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
