Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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