I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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