he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How external is "for external use only"?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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