dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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