Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
