she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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