So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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