Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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