At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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