How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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