I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i've created a new STD.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
