Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
