im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
