I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
