Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
