i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
