And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
