I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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