just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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