i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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