The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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