Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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