i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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