Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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