apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
