my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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