I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
