Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
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Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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