If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
