the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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