I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
