So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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