you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
