Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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