Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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